Sunday, February 3, 2013

Being. Present. Now.

Last week in yoga, my intention was to stay in each moment during practice.  Every day all day, my attention is on two little bodies and I take 2 or 3 hours a week to try and focus on me, my body, my breath.  Ha!  Easier said than done.  During shavasana (final relaxation pose), we are supposed to let thoughts come in, without judgement, and let them go returning to the moment.  So I hear my heart beat and I'm feeling thankful for my body in that moment.. I mean, it's pretty awesome to bring forth two babies as it did and still move the way I can. Then I am wondering what if I have twins, will i still approach birth the same way...whoa!?? Twins?  WTH? CLEARLY, I am struggling with being in the moment.  So this has been my focus lately and I noticed that when I am more tired, I find myself trying to escape some present moments that may or may not be challenging by going on Facebook, reading emails, even turning on the TV.  I am aware of when I am doing it to "escape" or pass the time and I get mad at myself.  But I've been so tired lately... if I didn't know that it was my adrenals that need support, I would probably think I was depressed, unable to cope, all of the above...maybe even go see my doctor, get meds, and really "escape".  Thankfully I know the key to regaining my strength, to facing each day's challenges, to returning to this moment and to bringing back my energy is a return to the basics.  I know I need to get my nutrition and supplements right.  My chiro and I changed them up this week and today I felt like a new woman (3-4 days to reboot).  I'm so relieved because today was such a special day full of little moments that I might have missed if I was checked out, eating sugar, focused on my own exhaustion, and/or buried in my Facebook or iPhone.  

Xavi sat on my lap for almost 30 minutes today and we just sat and snuggled.  He didn't and wasn't asking for chichi.  He just sat with his head on my chest and let me hold him.  He hasn't done that in a really long time.  It was a beautiful morning and Nico was down for a nap.  We had been playing trains outside on the patio when he crawled into my lap.  I just held him tight, soaking it all in.  If I hadn't been there, present and available, in that moment, it wouldn't have happened.  

When Nico woke up, we played on the floor.  Xavi is working on his wrestling moves and Nico is scooting all over the place. I put him down to play while getting breakfast together or doing dishes only to come back and find that he has squirmied himself somewhere new.

We've been getting our vitamin D whenever possible and to optimize exposure you need to have sun on as much of your body as possible.  Naked time!!!  Woo hoo!  I had to capture my beautiful baby and his magical smile on this bright and sunny morning.  He lights up my world.

After nap, we drove down to San Clemente's North Beach where Xavi swang/swinged while looking at the ocean waves.  We looked at birds, surfers, passing trains, and Nico nearby.  We giggled and laughed.  There are big sand "walls" that we jumped down and scaled back up.  Xavi and I raced the waves while brother Nico rode in his carrier "pouch" on my chest.  He snoozed and Xavi got wet (big surprise).  Wet and sandy, I stripped him to his diaper and we ran around until it was time to go home for nap.  One thing I always want to remember?  Xavi wanted me to slide with him, so I climbed up with Nico asleep in the carrier, held Xavi in my lap as we zoomed down..."weeeeeee"!  Again and again.

I love this face.  He doesn't smile at the camera much anymore unless I hold it so he can see himself.  That makes it harder to snap shots but I'm working on it...Diego got in on the family snuggle time but kept a close eye on Xavi.

I am thankful for this moment and all the other ones that we had today.  Ones that won't be best sellers or make us millions or win a super bowl of anything or even bear repeating but ones that make my life worth living.  Ones that my life is all about or should be about.   I'm thankful to have more energy and to be able to say "yes I can" instead of whispering "I can't.  I can't."  And today I'm thankful for these moments as we are reminded once again that we have no idea how many more moments we will have...Chris Kyle went to the range to help fellow soldiers deal with PTSD and was shot dead by a Marine he was trying to help. I'm sad for that loss.  I"m sad for his wife and kids.  What a tragedy full of the worst kind of irony.  It's a reminder to focus on this present moment, this breath, this child in my arms, as if it were my last. It's the only one we know we have. Be


  1. Well said, my wife. Right on point.

    1. I need to be careful about what I I am tested almost immediately as sure as I am writing this. I woke up to about 60 moments (also minutes) of a full blown 2 year old temper tantrum the morning after this post. Not pleasant but by keeping this post in mind helps me stay present AND centered in challenging moments...thereby helping me reply and react in a loving way instead of making me want to run and hide or lash out at the little one. I think being present isn't so much about being attached to everything happening but being in a place to see what is going on, evaluate, and respond accordingly (and more accurately). We'll see...these are trying and testing times. But ones that I never want to rush through or skip over...and that I'll miss when they are over. Thanks for the note handsome.

  2. I hear ya!!! I can relate on all levels, the tired, the "escape" by using Facebook and the knowledge that I need to soak up every single little snuggle!! Thank you for writing my thoughts! :) Cheers to you and your Family!! One day, we are going to escape this snow and cold and come play on the beach with you guys!!!!