Saturday, February 23, 2013

Naked Mama on the Roof?

In the past few months, we've had our share of challenges but no matter what, we're also blessed with daily smiles and deep breaths.   Everyday I'm very aware that in order for life to be "ok", mama has to be "ok".  I can't get sick or hurt or go the words of my sister, I can't be "naked on the roof with a high powered rifle" or like  a friend told me "spending a little extra to get the help I need is a lot less expensive than a padded room".  (sorry if either of those are offensive to anyone...they are quite descriptive though and I'm trying to paint a picture)

The past few weeks of extra demanding two year oldness has caught up with me.  I was feeling on the brink...of a breakdown. of depression.  of despair.  I need my husband by my side to do this right.  I need my family close by to call in the middle of the night when I don't know what else to do or who else to call.  I need gramma and grampa to come over to not only give me a break but to give Xavi and Nico some new, different loving energy.  I need aunts and uncles to tickle and chase, to help keep a diaper on the potty monster.  Who ever thought this was a good idea to do with none of the above?
"i did it! i squirmed and inchwormed my way over to brother's toys!"

"now to add my own touch of destruction..."

sigh...and it's only just begun!

Well, the answer doesn't matter.  This is where we are right now and it's time to do whatever I need to do to stay sane, stay healthy, and stay consistent, patient, and loving for my little boos. And even though I KNOW the only thing I can control in this situation is how I REACT to the stressors, I've had more reactions filled with anger of varying degrees than is healthy for anyone to have.

I woke up two mornings ago and was unable to turn my neck. This time it didn't loosen up as the morning went on but I still thought I could make it to yoga...maybe the heat would loosen it up? HA!  I did get to see Dr. Jen and then Debbie's parents came to stay with the boys so I could get a massage yesterday.  Both have helped  but I'm still really stiff...driving like a 92 year old..almost to the point of "well, i can't see so i'm just going to back up anyway."  Scary!

I'm hoping that with another adjustment on Monday, I'll be on the road to recovery but in the mean time I'm awake to the fact that I need to take better care of myself BEFORE stuff like this happens.  First of all, how long would it be before anyone knew or thought to come look for me to see if I was ok?  A bit morbid, but a frightening contingency I'm working out a plan to solve.  Second of all, prevention is key and a little goes a long way to save both time and money and even more stress.
finding trains in the strangest places...Toby in sweet potato chip bag

Prevention for me will be having a little more help during the week, bedtime by 9pm, perhaps a massage or two a month in addition to my amazing chiropractic care, and tightening up the diet even more.  AND a trip to see gramma and grampa, auntie Rachie, and auntie Lori Jo, cousins (the hairy kind and the pink kind), maybe some snow, and some sun.  I'll be relieved once I actually survive the trip there...but for now, I'll start packing,  look forward to the fun, WHILE learning to relax here at home so I can turn my head again.  RELAXATION may occasionally come in the form of a massage or time "off" OR in the form of me CHOOSING to NOT let anger win.  I can recognize anger as what I am feeling and then choose to let it go, allowing other more healthy, more healing energies and emotions to rule the day.  I may have to rework our budget to allow for all forms of relaxation but as I said in the opening...prevention will be a lot less expensive than the alternatives.

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