I am waddling by now and it might have been better to have a night out when I wasn't 9 months pregnant...it is a bit like the 11th hour vacation - too little, too late? I was after all waking up to pee 4 times (or more) a night...it's not like I'd have a full night's rest. It's not like Mario and I could go surfing at Salt Creek together and enjoy the beautiful area, or swing from the chandeliers (haha...now that's a visual!), or paint the town red. And I did wake up at least 5 times, all the time wondering how Xavi was sleeping, IF Miss Debbie was getting any sleep at all, did he miss us terribly?
|Almost 38 weeks...waddling indeed!|
BUT we had a king sized bed with all the lovely clean white sheets and pillows and duvets to ourselves ALL night. No one screamed and cried when I went to the bathroom alone. No one demanded chi chi, starting a 10 minute "argument" that woke me up completely. No one tried to worm his way in between Mario and I as we enjoyed hugging in peace. No one yelled over the TV to watch "TA". We didn't have to clean up a tornado's messes or hope that a little person ate enough to have a happy day. It was so nice to remember who this person was that was also on this journey and to...sounds funny and kind of cliche...fall in love all over again as we laughed at each other, ourselves, and where we've ended up. I relaxed and felt calm...like I haven't in a long time. ALL in a 18 hour period of time...
|Our room with a view|
Xavi had a great time!! He ate, he listened, he was happy, he didn't have tantrums, he went to sleep when he was told, AND he slept from 8-11, then 1130-630!!! He did wake up a few times but was easily settled back down. In most ways, I was thrilled! He survived us being gone, doing something that is vital to our family's happiness and success. We were recharged and happy. All in all a great night out and I'm so happy we did it!
|Breakfast overlooking Salt Creek...watching the lucky surfers|
There was a small part of me that came to realize what a thankless job it is being the mama. This mama gets all the tantrums, all the arguments, all the twinkly disobedience (bringing sand in the house anyway even after being told not to, etc), all the tears, all the demands, and all the backlash from pent up, needing to be expressed, immature emotions. When I tell Mario that I need to go do an errand and will leave Xavi with him...he says "oh good! then he'll behave and be happy!" What??!?
I've loved being loved so much and needed so much but when I'm at my most tired, my most drained, my most impatient...I'd really like if I got some of the same benefit that everyone else seems to get from Xavi. Does that mean I'm doing something wrong? Does that mean I'm not doing enough?? Does that mean he'd be happier with someone else as his mama???
In the end, it just makes me see what a hard job this is AND what an important job it is to help him navigate all the challenges of being a little person... how important it is to comfort but not coddle him, to love him but not do everything he wants all the time, and to be there, to be present but to allow him to learn healthy ways to self soothe, to comfort himself, to understand that he is loved, safe, and secure. We laid the foundation as a baby that his needs would be met and now we must be sure to build on that foundation.