Wednesday, February 27, 2013

I Heart Boobies Part Two

This is a little "montage" of photos taken in similar outfits at similar ages to document my boys so that those of you that can't see us grow...know more how they look alike AND different.  Special boys they both are.  My heart squeezes looking at their little faces, perfect skin, big smiles, and dark eyes.  

Doing a photo shoot isn't that easy, despite what it looks like below.  (haha)  I guess the idea seemed to work better in my head.  But at least you can see them side by side in real time...definitely brothers, but definitely unique.

I think Xavi is a bit older than Nico is in this photo...I couldn't get him to sit up, even trying to prop him up on pillows.  So the best I could do was to have them both tipping over.  Notice Nico's very muscular legs already outgrowing what Xavi wore for a bit longer.

Nico isn't quite as flexible as Xavi yet but he can suck TWO thumbs at once...!

Remember this?
we'll see if Nico can get there with a bit of training.  More to come.

Monday, February 25, 2013

An Attitude Adjustment

 The boys wake me up pretty early every day.  Today Nico was ready to go at 5:30am.  I made sure he was dry and comfy then put him back in his crib to play until I was ready to open my eyes.  At 6:00am, Xavi woke up and was ready to go.  I asked if he wanted to get in the crib with brother...'yep'.  So I put them in together and just relaxed in bed by myself for a few more minutes.  I opened my eye occasionally to make sure everyone was ok.  They were actually pretty quiet...seeming to enjoy relaxing in the moment themselves.  There were a few "I luze yous" and "ah ah ahs".  I felt light on my face and saw Xavi peeking out the curtains to see the sunrise.  There was such a sweet innocence about that simple act that I had to get out of bed to get my camera and take a picture.
Nico's been crazy lately..up on all fours, rocking and rolling, hopping and scooting all over.  when he's done he's done but he can do this for a long time.  He smashes brother's train sets and goes for the object of his desire.  Nico may be a bit less intense that Xavi but he is still intense.  I guess Mario and I just don't have many "easy" genes.  Oh well...I know that this intensity will take them far in life. 
 I hope they always reach for their desires and dreams without giving up.  
 Xavi didn't seem "right" today.  I couldn't put my finger on anything definitive; no fever, no cough, little runny nose, but mostly,  he just didn't want to go outside...! That is very un-Xavi like and so I was glad we had a chiropractic appointment this afternoon to see if we could get to the bottom of it.  He also kept insisting that "I carry you"..even if we were going a few feet.  At one point during the day, I carried him in first so that I wasn't carrying both boys and straining my neck even more.  But when I turned around to go get Nico, Xavi started crying "I carry you!!! I carry you!"He followed me all the way back outside...undoing all of my previous carrying.  He followed me in howling.  Poor baby.

Both boys needed neck adjustments after all...hmmm, guess they absorb more than just my "energy".  We ALL had neck issues.  After getting "popcorns" done, Xavi's energy and attitude did a 180.  He came into her office screaming "NO!" and crying about...everything.  He left running out on his own little bare feet, happy and sweet.  As soon as we got home, he jumped down from the car, and started playing with his train in the sand by the car.  Nico was asleep so I put him in the bedroom and went out by Xavi.  He was playing outside in the dirt with his trains, and digger, and truck. The transformation was complete.  I had my boy back.  I love what chiropractic can do.  It's power has never been more evident to me as it has been seeing it in action with my kids.  It's not magic or faith or a belief system... it is powerful and I seriously don't know what people do without it...ESPECIALLY for their kids.  Thanks Dad, Dr. Heiny, Uncle Jim, and Jimmy Sir.  And Thank you Dr. Jen.  We love you!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Naked Mama on the Roof?

In the past few months, we've had our share of challenges but no matter what, we're also blessed with daily smiles and deep breaths.   Everyday I'm very aware that in order for life to be "ok", mama has to be "ok".  I can't get sick or hurt or go the words of my sister, I can't be "naked on the roof with a high powered rifle" or like  a friend told me "spending a little extra to get the help I need is a lot less expensive than a padded room".  (sorry if either of those are offensive to anyone...they are quite descriptive though and I'm trying to paint a picture)

The past few weeks of extra demanding two year oldness has caught up with me.  I was feeling on the brink...of a breakdown. of depression.  of despair.  I need my husband by my side to do this right.  I need my family close by to call in the middle of the night when I don't know what else to do or who else to call.  I need gramma and grampa to come over to not only give me a break but to give Xavi and Nico some new, different loving energy.  I need aunts and uncles to tickle and chase, to help keep a diaper on the potty monster.  Who ever thought this was a good idea to do with none of the above?
"i did it! i squirmed and inchwormed my way over to brother's toys!"

"now to add my own touch of destruction..."

sigh...and it's only just begun!

Well, the answer doesn't matter.  This is where we are right now and it's time to do whatever I need to do to stay sane, stay healthy, and stay consistent, patient, and loving for my little boos. And even though I KNOW the only thing I can control in this situation is how I REACT to the stressors, I've had more reactions filled with anger of varying degrees than is healthy for anyone to have.

I woke up two mornings ago and was unable to turn my neck. This time it didn't loosen up as the morning went on but I still thought I could make it to yoga...maybe the heat would loosen it up? HA!  I did get to see Dr. Jen and then Debbie's parents came to stay with the boys so I could get a massage yesterday.  Both have helped  but I'm still really stiff...driving like a 92 year old..almost to the point of "well, i can't see so i'm just going to back up anyway."  Scary!

I'm hoping that with another adjustment on Monday, I'll be on the road to recovery but in the mean time I'm awake to the fact that I need to take better care of myself BEFORE stuff like this happens.  First of all, how long would it be before anyone knew or thought to come look for me to see if I was ok?  A bit morbid, but a frightening contingency I'm working out a plan to solve.  Second of all, prevention is key and a little goes a long way to save both time and money and even more stress.
finding trains in the strangest places...Toby in sweet potato chip bag

Prevention for me will be having a little more help during the week, bedtime by 9pm, perhaps a massage or two a month in addition to my amazing chiropractic care, and tightening up the diet even more.  AND a trip to see gramma and grampa, auntie Rachie, and auntie Lori Jo, cousins (the hairy kind and the pink kind), maybe some snow, and some sun.  I'll be relieved once I actually survive the trip there...but for now, I'll start packing,  look forward to the fun, WHILE learning to relax here at home so I can turn my head again.  RELAXATION may occasionally come in the form of a massage or time "off" OR in the form of me CHOOSING to NOT let anger win.  I can recognize anger as what I am feeling and then choose to let it go, allowing other more healthy, more healing energies and emotions to rule the day.  I may have to rework our budget to allow for all forms of relaxation but as I said in the opening...prevention will be a lot less expensive than the alternatives.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love day

Mario and I don't celebrate Valentines day with each other.  We celebrate President's day instead.  A lot of it comes down to the fact that neither of us like being told what to do...and when to celebrate love is roped into that category.  But I couldn't resist the propaganda and bought Xavi and Nico balloons today.  Then Gramma Mimi and Gramma Momma/Grampa Phil sent Valentines and treats for the boys in the mail.  I let Xavi have a few bites of each...this is more sugar than he has ever had in his life.  And now I'm confident in why we DON'T and WON'T do this on any sort of regularity.  It's got to be only for special occasions and when Gramma spoilings are so rare.  
 This has been another tough week with tantrums continuing. It's nothing physical, just being two. But in between we have had some fun times.  Like:
Partying in the park's mud puddle.
 I thought I was smart for taking off his pants to keep them from getting dirty.  HA!  He just laid down in it like a little piggy.  What choice did I have?
 He had so much fun.  I can't blame him.  I'm pretty sure that mom has a picture of Lori and I in mud up to our ankles, covered from head to toe.
 I wiped him off best as I could, slapped a diaper on him, and got him in the tub upon arriving home.  But I recorded all his smiles, giggles, and joy... 

  We've had lots of brother play time.  While Nico is on the floor, Xavi will bring all his "co mozy" paraphernalia out to share.  Thomas blankie, doggie, "gorily", and tiger all get dragged out to the living room, the lawn, or into brother's crib.  Sometimes Xavi invites us to his room to play on his bed.  It's a big ordeal and so cute to watch.  But if Nico gets to close, Xavi doesn't exactly let him play with his stuff.  It's just there to play "cozy mozy"...which is what Mario and I call snuggling down into bed, blankets, or what Diego does when he climbs into your lap.
Nico pressing up higher and higher...
 And doing airplane...
 And finding brother's trains...

 Today he scooted all they way from the blanket to Xavi's little table...
 He found brother's monster truck...
 Up on his knees, rocking rocking, sometimes jumping forward with his little legs.  He's bound to crawl very soon and then I'm in serious trouble!
 He was so excited from his new skills, he wouldn't really nap and took forever to go to sleep tonight as he couldn't stop getting up on his knees to practice.  Too cute!
Brother time too.
 We found our neighbor friend, Cha Cha (Charlotte) and played a bit of chase in and out of the puddles...burning off the sugar.

And I'm spent.  And in love.  Every day.  Not just today.  Miss you Mario.  Sleep well Xavi and Nico (Please!).

Sunday, February 10, 2013


I was describing a recent battle with Xavi about getting dressed to a friend.  You see, I had these cute, red quiksilver jeans that all the "girls" would go wild over but he refused to wear them.  As his protests escalated, I quickly took them off with a sad sigh and put sweatpants on him.  Sadly, he would not be the cutest, best dressed little man at the party but his comfort and happiness were more important to me than what he looked like.  Tracy said to me "yeah...not going to die going up that hill".  I laughed and immediately knew I was going to use it someday.
Guess who they're keeping an eye on?

In other words, I chose to not charge a potentially impossible hill where I would surely be cut down by a hail of defensive fire.   In other words, I was choosing my battles with my stubborn toddler just as we (should) do in any relationship.  

I did, however, choose a battle yesterday morning that SEEMED important and maybe with time I will be glad that I did.  Right now, I am still recovering and feel like I have literally been hit with a truck.

Xavi can be a bit of a "bossy boots" and demands things from me in one word commands.  "Owside."  "Thomas."  "Snack."  "Dis."  "Dat."  "STUCK!" Off!"  UP!!!" Apparently, I hit a wall this morning and decided that he needed to say "please" with all of these commands.  If only he would just say please, I would do whatever he asked of me.  But he WOULD NOT say please.  At first it was funny.

"Xavi can you say "Thomas please."?"


"No.  SAY "Thomas PLEASE.".


And repeat and repeat.  He would not say it.  I know that he can because he always has in the past when I've occasionally asked him to say please.  Apparently, I also underestimated the stubbornness of my little boy.  And off we went.

Time out in his room.  Screams and cries and demands but still no please.

I left his room...with him in it.  I did explain what I was going to do and what I needed from him...but doubtful he heard me with all his yelling.  Deafening screams and door was napping so I went in to re-explain.  Still no please.

I went about my "chores" and started making up things that needed to be done.  I just kept moving around the house so as to be a moving target and hopefully help him settle himself and give in to get mama's attention.  Screaming, clawing, grasping, chasing, desperate crying...but no please.

I texted my sister...then called her for advice on how to wrap this up without "losing" but maintaining my own emotional control.  And he finally said "up, peese".  I immediately scooped him up while thanking him for saying it.

"Owside."  "peese." So off we went outside to sit in the sun and maybe play a bit.  But he was mad because I made him wear shoes.  "OFF!!!" But no please so in we went.  I didn't want to go in the house and wake up poor little Nico so I shut the gate and sat down on the cold ground covering my face, trying to breathe.  He grabbed my hands to make me look at him.  He tried to sit in my lap.  All the while screaming and yelling, crying and sobbing but no please.  By this time, I am fighting tears.  I called my sister once more desperately but only left a voicemail of him yelling.  I really didn't know what to do.

I know what I wanted to do and I can hardly bring myself to write it down.  Suffice it to say that a few choice words did slip during all of this.  My hands wanted to stop him from making noise and I was shaking with the effort to control myself.  I gathered him in my arms and held him as tight as I could.  In my logic I thought it the same as when you fear a horse may kick's far better to be as close to the rump as possible, minimizing any injuries from a potentially lethal strike.  Instead of a deadly kick to the head, you'd likely just get bumped and jostled by their powerful hindquarters.  So I held him close so my limbs could inflict no harm and wait for logic and rational mind to turn back on.  This actually settled me back into a space that I could parent from...and I asked him again to say "please".  Still no 'please', but I was able to gather my wits and take him into his bedroom for one more time out.  He said "off...peese".  I praised him and took off his shoes.  We went out and sat on the couch.  I started to cry.  He was shaking from the effort of an hour long temper tantrum and tremendous emotional outburst.  I fed him and talked to him while he watched Thomas.  I told him how it hurt mama when he cried but that he needed to be kind to mama too.  And by saying "please" we show kindness to someone who can help us, who wants to help us.  And that I would move the earth for him...if only he would say please.

We all had a good nap but I was still shaken when we woke up and I couldn't turn my neck.  Xavi seemed fine, going about his snack and playing like it was all a distant memory, if that.  I still wasn't sure if I did the right thing.  I still wasn't sure it was worth it.  It's always scary for me when I'm pushed that close to the edge, fearing my own thoughts and emotions, and fearing that I've somehow inflicted lasting damage on my sweet boy.  The one I'd gladly move heaven and earth for.  Did I charge an impossible hill only to fall on my own sword?

A wise mama told me that this IS a scary part of parenting, being pushed to the edge and that it IS very hard to set boundaries AND hold them in the face of toddler fury.  She encouraged me to look for any good that came out of this and to see that our kids show us amazing grace.  Grace that I needed to extend to myself.  I didn't hurt my child.  I didn't inflict damage.  I set a boundary and I should give myself a break, and some extra credit.

He has since said 'peese' every time I've prompted him...without hesitation.

It looks like it was just a flesh wound and I'll recover to live (and fight) another day.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Like a Sailor

Today was a tough day.  Xavi had three temper tantrums that lasted at least 45 minutes each.  Outside of those three episodes, he yelled as loud and for as long as he could whenever I didn't immediately meet his need, pick him up, nurse him, feed him the right thing, get outside fast enough, pull the wagon, or I picked up brother, walked away, hugged him, kissed him, or tried to talk to him.  My ears are still ringing and my brain is a bit numb.  I'm not sure what was going on...I think he was tired and so I put him to bed early.  I think he was a bit I fed him his dinner bite by bite.  I think he was bored so I played with him and took him down to the beach to play.  In the end, he IS two so some of this is to be expected, right?  To make matters "worse" Nico is still teething.  When Xavi wasn't yelling, Nico started up. Matter of fact, he cried and yelled all the way UP that hill (from our last post) while I was pulling the wagon.  I couldn't get my boob in his mouth to calm him down but I sure did try.  So what is a mother to do?


Not out loud.  Of course not!  I've never been a swearer and even when I do, it just doesn't sound right. But I'm even more careful now knowing I have little ears listening to everything I am saying.  So I'm not swearing out loud.  But you better believe that as I was walking up the hill, I was coming up with some very creative and elaborate phrases that I won't repeat here because my mom reads this.

By the time I was going about my business (trying) as Xavi was yelling in tantrum #3, I was laughing at some of the things I was coming up with.  But mostly it's along the lines of "are you _____ kidding me?"

Sure, i could come up with substitutes that aren't offensive expletives and maybe that is what will come out of my mouth but to get all the "junk" out?  Nothing works quite like a good ol fashioned four letter word.  At least in the safety of my has kept insanity at bay...well, at least for today.  And today was a ________ doozy!