|My favorite card...pretty much says it all.|
As I've posted before, I love to read and always have. It's how I like to learn and so here I was needing/wanting to learn...so I turned to books, advice or not. I read about attachment parenting (breast feeding, sleep sharing, baby wearing, etc...), child development, and what finally broke me...sleep. I read five different sleep books, all to learn how to help my child sleep well and eventually, independantly. Xavi is not a "bad sleeper" but he is a cat napper, napping for almost exactly 30-40 minutes then waking up ready to party..only to need another nap in an hour or two. Try to getting anything done on that schedule. I once figured that I spent 90 minutes putting him down for 180 minutes of sleep. At night, he was sleeping well but he slept with us still (and for that matter, slept great.) The only time I could get him to nap for longer than one sleep cycle was if I napped with him and nap nursed him into another cycle or two. So...I really wanted to see if there were "tricks" to help him do that on his own. Did I really want to nap with him every day? And of course then I heard plenty of..."better be careful, he's gonna get used to that and you'll be doing that for the rest of his childhood..." In regards to the sleep sharing/co-sleeping..."we made that mistake with our first one...you're gonna have to break him of that soon. with our second, we learned that when they cry they don't die..." Needless, to say I became frustrated and the books seemed to re-inforce my frustration instead of helping to alleviate it...because my baby didn't respond the way the books said that he would/should.
I stopped reading the "attachment parenting" books not because I disagreed with it...if I had to call our parenting style anything...I would call it as such. But the books reassured me that if I wore my baby in a sling...he wouldn't cry as much. (ummm...I now own 5 different types of baby carriers...in search of "the One" that would give me the content, calm baby that the book described if carried in a sling.) Xavi has always wanted to be held...even now, he does not enjoy "independant" play time as much as he likes to be carried while I do household chores or our daily walks. Rather than fight that, be frustrated, and keep him in a state of stress...I hold him, carry him in a sling, play with him...and yes, he still cries (sling or not). But I decided that I'd rather be holding him as he cried than making him cry harder by forcing something that a book told me was the "right" way OR by trying to live up to some "ideal" put forth by a book. I am an attachment parenting momma and my baby still cries for no reason. I am (now) ok with that and can (usually) use my god given intuition to know what he needs. And sometimes that is ME.
So how does that all fit in with what we are currently "taught" by other popular books and advice panelists? Well, what I can ascertain is that we parents are being "manipulated" by babies who want to be in control of our lives and this is something that must be "broken". (Excuse my Chris Farley "quotation marks" in this posting...I'd probably be even more animated if you were talking to me in person.). No, I don't want to be that mom in the grocery store reasoning with her child..."Xavi, if you don't stop throwing a temper tantrum, you won't get any whip cream on your frappucino.".. but does my five month old really manipulate me? Does he need to be "broken" in order to fit into what model he "should" fit into?
|Even their hairline is the same...look closely. Same colic, same wave...|