Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Unconditional Love

It's hard to explain how much I love being a mom and it's hard to express how thankful I am for the opportunity to be a mom to this little boy. I feel so blessed that I know what this feels like:  to love unconditionally, to know how much my parents love me, and to see how God has loved & protected me all along.  For the first time in my life, it makes sense.  I get it.
 Mario bought me an apron for my's so cute and I love it.  Would I feel the same about receiving a "cute" apron for my birthday 10 years ago?  Probably (or surely) NOT...I interpreted the gift not as "get in the kitchen and make my dinner" but more..."I love that you look so cute taking care of the family"...and I take great pride in doing so.  Here I am pulling the "ultimate" mom maneuver - wearing the apron AND the baby IN the kitchen...and couldn't be happier. 
Right now, Xavi is on his own program.  He crawls where he wants, plays with what he wants, and throws a fit if contained in any way (just imagine the nightmare diaper changes or mama simply interupting playtime with scissors).  But whenever he sees his daddy, he follows him constantly...if not in body, his eyes watch Mario's every  move.  He is always waiting with a smile to see what funny thing dad will do next or just sizing him up...and when he wakes up next to his dad, he smiles and crawls right to him/on top of him.  Here he is imitating his dad working out...such a big boy.
Xavi loves his daddy.  Mario was gone for a few days to take his acupuncture CA state licensing exam.  When Xavi woke up the night he got home and it was Mario who brought him from the crib to me...he stopped crying and just stared.  And then slept the best he had since Mario was gone. 
Since he often picks up on my energy/vibrations, I guess we both felt safer and happy to have dad back home.

I love the games we play.  If you'd told me even two years ago how much fun it would be to build a tower and watch him knock it over...over and over again...I would never have believed it.
 I love his hair and how it curls, especially in the back.
 I love that he loves being naked and how he does this "blee blee" thing with his fingers on his lips/tongue.
 I love making healthy food for my family...fresh vegetable juice for Mario and I; homeade healthy organic meals for the boy.  Only Grammas are allowed to give "special" treats...

Did I mention that I love being Xavi's mom? 

I get it...I know who I am and what I want to do with my life.  I can be a lot of 'things' and I am capable of doing many 'things' but nothing is more important than being MOM.  It certainly doesn't mean that I let myself go, forget my dreams/goals/commitments, or live vicariously through my kids...but it does mean that my family comes first.  No contest.  When I gave birth to Xavi 9 months ago, Karen, my midwife, promised me that I would be a "mama bear"...fiercely protective and fiercely in love with my flesh and blood...especially considering all the fierceness we needed to get through his birth.  I know it is by design.  There is absolutely no condition that could arise in which I wouldn't love my son or protect him at my own peril.  And now as he takes his first steps, first surf, first car, first love...we'll be there, loving him and seeing him as the newborn baby taking his first breath. 
Unconditional love...what a beautiful thing.

Dear Lord, Protect this beautiful little boy. Amen. 

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