One last adventure...Hawaii

We had a chance to meet up with Mario in Hawaii on his way back from his travels to the Philipines and Guam.  It would be just 6 days together in "paradise" but likely our last opportunity as a family of three.  I underestimated how tough the trip would be and feel like I'm just starting to recover from the travel alone.  Plus my lap is growing smaller everyday and this was the last trip with my "baby" traveling as an "infant in arms".

He was good as a busy almost two year old can be...but with an hour to go, I was all done.
In toddler time, an hour is an eternity.

Direct Flight...but Mario was delayed so we had another adventure to negotiate in getting to the beautiful Hale Koa hotel on Waikiki.  

If it looks early, its because it IS early.  4:30 wake up for the first two days...our hotel was right on the beach which made things a lot easier.  

We would get some fruit and a muffin then go see the ocean first thing.  In the afternoon, the beach was too hot and windy for him, so we went to the pool then.  We swam, had Hawaiian shave ice, chased birds, and went everywhere with a bucket.  

Mario surfed most mornings before work so we were all out the door early but met up again poolside in the afternoon.  

The first full day I attempted to go to the beach after nap time...first and last attempt.  By the time I hauled everything to the water's edge, set up, recovered our flying umbrella missile TWICE, then moved us again after the waves ran up over our towels and stuff, settled Xavi in with his toys and snack, applied sunscreen...he informed me that he was "all done" and started to walk back towards the hotel.  Mind you that was only 10 minutes of frustration...I wanted to cry.
I felt like such a failure.

Xavi on the other hand was content to play "BIG Truck...Trashman"...everything would get picked up and put into the "Whoa, big Trash".  Here he is scooping up ice spilled on the grass and putting in this receptacle.  Seriously..he did this for 20 minutes before I was finally able to move us to the pool.  

We said good morning and good night to the giant Koi that lived at the hotel as well.   He walked along this wall and yelled "Whoa...fishy".  If we tried to hold him so as to prevent him from going for a dip, he pushed our hands away.  Very determined and becoming very independent.

Turtles were next door at the Hilton along with Penguins and more "Whoa, big fish"

Another boundary to push

Mario took us to another hotel that had dolphins...but surprisingly that didn't hold Xavi's attention for too long. ..

It was the turtles that he wanted to see more of...

story time with Papa

Our view from the hotel...a few nights we sat out and listened to the live music from our lanai while Xavi slept.  How I yearned to be one of the "normal" people that could sit out at the beach side bar, having a cocktail, listening to music, and having adult conversation...sigh.  It was probably a good thing that I went to bed early every night since my little chirpy early bird roused me without fail before sunrise.  

One night, we had "dinner" with our friends Amra and Ian.  I put it in quotes because I didn't really eat anything.  I did, however,  end up with a child head to toe plus my shirt front smeared in butter and left the table with about a cup of butter spread all over its glass top.  Judge me if you must, but it kept him occupied while we attempted to converse.  A & I were such troopers, not having any kids yet themselves, and I felt as normal as I had since we got there.  

Xavi didn't like to wear trunks in the pool or at the beach...so he ended up mostly wearing just a diaper or this speedo like suit.  We did go swim in the ocean everyday...some days more happily than others. Every day at least two people (always a woman) commented on how huge I looked...or made comments not so discreetly about either my belly or...?  Let's just say it didn't do much for my self esteem...but I met another mama, pregnant with her 4th, due in September and she had  a boy Xavi's age.  What a relief and a blessing!  We bonded at the kiddie pool on two different days...it saved at least two days from frustration and tears.  But seriously...weren't most of these women probably in my position at one time or another??  Wouldn't they of all people know what NOT to say to a large pregnant woman?

I had to include this picture because breakfast at the buffet was a daily adventure.  Somedays he ate ok...most days his toys ate well...and one day he grabbed a whole plate of food and dropped it on the floor with a crash.  A sympathetic woman from the next table jumped up to help me since Xavi was in my lap and she could see me unraveling...you know how when you are on the verge of tears it's almost worse when someone helps you, pushing you right past self control?  well, I had to put my sunglasses on and escape with quick apologies to our server.  

The last flight home...wow, I was never so happy to get back.  Xavi was the most active he's ever been on a plane...hitting me, pulling my hair, yelling, spilling things...our seatmate took pity on me and to my shock, Xavi went to this grandmotherly saint for a walk up and down the aisle.  I'm so thankful for helpers like this that don't ask but just DO...and save a mom's sanity and dignity for a brief moment in time.  But that brief moment means the world to a mama in need.  I didn't quite know what to do with myself...I watched them walk, and breathed in and out.  

HOME!  Finally home, he was perpetual motion at 11pm...DIGO !  CHA CHA!  BIG TRUCK!  and then he slept for 6 hours and 45 minutes ON HIS OWN.  Our new record.

I had to analyze why this trip was so hard for me when I had such positive anticipation and for the most part, a lovely time.  Why was I so weepy?  Why did a breakfast plate on the floor send me off in tears and runny nose out the door?  Why did a little wind, water, and discombobulation make me feel so defeated?  I figured out as we were leaving (of course) that somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I knew this was our last  adventure as a family of three.  It was the last time my attention would not be divided and when Mario and I might have had some meaningful time together.  But alas, it WAS hard with a very busy boy who was quickly developing a strong independence and a penchant for the word NO!  Nor was I able to "do" some of the things I had always loved to do, especially in Hawaii...I was mourning the loss of simple pleasures like being able to sit on the beach soaking in the sun and surf, read books poolside, look decent and feel comfortable in a swim suit, not to mention hike, swim, surf, even paddle, have a cocktail or beer at sunset, and hold hands or have a conversation with my husband without one of us racing to catch him from running off some cliff.  I am getting excited to welcome #2 to our family, but know that it will further separate me/us from those simple pleasures.  Are we ready?  Can we do it?  With those "losses", however, comes more joy, more love, and more purpose than I've ever known in my life...and for that I am thankful.  We'll just have to make up for lost time in about 18 years.

Taking a friend "home"

We lost Ponch in May after an acute bout of pancreatitis and organ failure.  He was living in Texas with Gramma and Grampa and although they took good, loving care of him until the end, there was nothing else to do but release him to doggy heaven.  We didn't get to say good bye and it felt surreal that he was really gone forever.  No more Ponch hugs or "one eye" moments.  He lived with us just a short time but he had a way of taking over every place (and most moments) that he left a big hole behind.  We missed him when he was in Texas but always thought he'd live for at least 25 years, bringing us many more memories and laughs.  We thought our kids would grow old with him.  But you really never know.  And he is gone.  

We had him cremated and took his ashes with us on our recent trip to Hawaii.  He went on one last hike with Mario, Xavi, and I. Mariner's Ridge is a hike that he did regularly with Mario while living in Hawaii.  There is a memorial for Mario's teammates and it was a special place for them.  And so he went "home" to Hawaii and a special place to remember him.  We may never have another Ponch but I'll always cherish the memories and moments that we had... Including having to LOCK the refrigerator before leaving for any length of time, seeing him sit next to me in the car a vigilant navigator, hugging him and putting our heads together so as to see "one eye" one last time in El Paso, and the way he looked at and loved Mario.  Rest in Peace Ponch.  We will always love you.

Ponch would have wanted us to "party" even in serious moments...so we did our best in his honor to have light in our hearts and think of all the things we loved about him.  We imagined him on our hike..lagging behind on the way up but then surging to the front on the way down.  Staying close and looking up at us with a wink and a smile even though he was sure he was not going to make it without a snack or two.  We love you Ponch.  We hope to find your spirit again.  

Mama's Birthday

I woke up at 530 but mama said that I had to sleep a little bit longer.  For some reason, I thought it was important that I did.  So, I fell back asleep until almost 7...then I grabbed mom's face by her nose hole and pulled her face towards mine for a big kiss.  I think that is the best way to start the day.  THEN papa called and I could tell it was because my mom always smiles really big...her voice also changes and gets all nice and stuff.  I said HI and told him about po-yees and that I'll see him in Hawaii in two sleeps.

THEN Gramma and Grampa called and I got to talk to them too.  THEN Auntie Liz stopped by to give my mom cards but I'm a little bit scared of her ever since she almost dropped me when i was a baby, so I cried and ran to mama so she could "protect" me.  THEN Miss Debbie came WITH breakfast tacos and chocolate.  It was yummy...once I realized that mom was staying around, I played a little bit with Debbie and let her hug and kiss me a little bit.  THEN we went for a walk down the street, played with the neighbor doggies, and picked flowers for mama.  She put one in Diego's collar but I didn't approve and took it out.  We had lunch and talked to Gramma Nina and Grampa Carlos.  Cousin AJ said HI and told us about going to the Air Force pretty soon.  I made gorilla and monkey noises for them.  Nap time was really nice...almost 2 hours.  for some reason, mom was very happy after nap time and we snuggled a bit.  We decided to head to the beach after snack.

 I love the beach and we took my digger and big truck of course plus bucket and shovels.  Mom got us a snow cone to share...it was cold but yummy.  I went down the slide a bunch and watched the trains go rumbling past.  Mom talked to Auntie Lori for a bit.  I missed Diego and Sasha and asked if we could go home.  So we did and I got to feed them.  I'm really good at it now.

Auntie Rachie called and they talked while mom got dressed, changed my diaper, got me dressed, and packed the bag with snacks/toys to go out.  The best part of my day?  Our neighbors Miss Jarie and Mister Eric took us OUT for PIZZA!  I got to go, bringing my digger and big truck of course and they gave me a new race car.  I ate a little bit but mostly watched the trucks and cars go flying by then ran around while Jarie chased me.  Mom got to sit and eat and she got to have adult conversation with her friends.  She was really happy and relaxed...she laughed too.

On the way home, I asked for more pizza and ate almost a whole piece all by myself in the quick trip back. Mom got to talk to the neighbors while I played in the dirt, threw the ball for Copper, and Mister Eric lifted me up to the basketball hoop so I could dunk.  Mom was very happy and relaxed...she got me cleaned up in the tub, dressed in jammies, read stories, and in bed really fast...which I was happy about since I am exhausted!  It was a good day and I'm really glad because I think she was a bit sad that Papa wasn't going to be with us.  I am too but knowing that we'll see him in just two days makes me very happy.  Thank you to everyone that made my mom's day so special.  Thank you for the cards and little gifts.  Thank you for thinking of her even if she is far away or life is busy.  Thank you for going out of your way to remind her that she is special even if she is getting a little old....and huge with my baby brother.  Happy Birthday Mama!

Ponies (aka Po-yees)

Watching horses race always makes me cry...maybe it's all the racehorse movies that I've watched:  Pharlap, Seabiscuit, Secretariat...total waterworks during those films.  It's embarrassing..just ask Mario.  But it doesn't matter when I see horses race...I always choke up and tears well up in my eyes.  So when we went to Del Mar for Family Fun Day (courtesy of the Navy), I wasn't sure how I was going to show it all to Xavi.

We had a great day!  We were in the infield and saw the horses race by with front row seats.  Xavi was enthralled and except for the first race, I could cheer the horses on as they flew by.  Once I found my way around the lump in my throat, I could clap and yell for the "po-yees"- go "Fast".  In between races, Xavi watched the tractors and the big trucks and the other ponies.  There was never a dull moment.  We tried a funnel cake (a first for both of us) and some "Hawaiian" ice.

There was a kids area with free pony rides and bouncy obstacle courses/houses.  Xavi wouldn't go ON the ponies but he sat and watched and watched them go round and round.  He only paused to ask me for his "digger" when he realized the ground was perfect for digging and picking up sticks.  (It was FILTHY!)   Xavi was a bit small for the bouncy houses but I climbed up WITH him so we could go down the bouncy slide together.  Halfway up, I thought that I surely hadn't completely thought this through, but had to keep going or else...

Our friends, Kelly and Dan plus their boys, James and Jake were there too.  Xavi had a great time playing with them, chasing, running through puddles, and of course, hugging.  We had a great time and I was thankful to have new friends...for both of us.

It was a long day but it's not the beginning of an interest in "po-yees"...we are just curious how long it will last.  I have been looking for a stuffed pony for him to play with and feed grass to.  We figure that's the safest place to start.  At least I won't have to clean up a stuffed horse's poop...that's a win win for me.

Work hard Papa!  If he wants to ride "po-yees", we'll need to be wealthy or lucky...maybe a bit of both.

Who's your daddy?

Yesterday,  I was so tired, so we stayed close to home.  Xavi asked me to take "OFF" shirts, pants, and diaper..we were in the backyard so...whatever keeps him happy.  But then Mario called from the Phillipines and I got distracted...he started asking to play "basketball", so we went out to play basketball ...whatever keeps him happy while I talk to his papa.  The next thing I realize he is playing in the dirt with nothing on but his dad's dog tags.  He's been wearing these every day since Papa last left...and every day he says something to me about "Papa" and "work".  The tags remind him both "who loves you Xavi?" "PAPA" and "where is Papa?" "Work".  He kisses them sometimes and today, Debbie said he was talking to it like he was talking on the phone to Mario.

We had a busy weekend and a fun day at the horse track in Del Mar...which is why I was/am exhausted.  I was planning to post photos from that day but I've run out of storage and had to upgrade my account...and it takes 24 hours to complete.  Sigh...it's a conspiracy to keep me from getting my "list" done.  Ah well...gonna go curl up with a book.  We'll see how long that lasts.