A big week for a big boy

This week was a week of beautiful weather here in Southern California.  Sunshine and warmth..Spring is in the air and even though we didn't have to survive winter's blizzards and freezing temperatures, the change does a body (and mind) good.  Plus, I really think that having a storage room and more "space" in our lives has lifted an invisible weight from our shoulders.  I could BREATHE this week and felt that unmistakable tug of satisfaction and happiness in my heart. 

With the exception of one night of less than 3 hours sleep...due to a mind refusing to take a break from the hamster wheel, we slept reasonably well, waking refreshed, and ready for each new day.  I began my exercise regimen anew, running and lifting weights, and had some precious moments with my little boy. 

I've begun to look forward to having "Miss Debbie" come everyday to "play" with Xavi.  He adores her and loves her "fancy" British accent as she sings and talks to him almost as much as I do.  She takes him for long walks in the sun and tries to convince him to nap (he's a big of a stinker where naps are concerned...30-40 minutes and he's up, ready to party and catch up on what he's missed).  He's learned how to take breast milk from the bottle and he's begun to take almost a whole feeding.  (But he still prefers the boob and usually lets us know when he's done with the whole weird fake nipple thing.)  They dance to the music in his room and he seems to love music, especially the latin ones with a good beat.

Xavi's new "IPod"that Gramma Momma gave him
It plays lots of cool songs and lights up like a disco

Asleep on Miss Debbie for a little cat nap

Almost as important, I can focus on my work without worrying, stressing, or crying.  Another huge bonus of having help?  My house looks better than it ever has...the small things I choose not to stress about getting done, GET DONE!  Debbie helps with small household chores and I've found...that it really is the "small" things that make the biggest difference.  No grand gestures are necessary (although appreciated...see Grampa's visit blog for more on that) but wipe the counters, sweep the floor, fold the laundry, wipe the mirror?  Ahhh, the stirrings of satisfaction and happiness? Starting to well up and fill up my "tank".  And with that, I find myself finishing things that have been on my list for a long time now, including organize the breast milk in the freezer instead of just throwing them in there haphazardly.  (I mean, that stuff is like liquid gold...and now it is properly containerized AND labeled!)  I think this is also why exercise has started to feel so good again...before it was just one more thing that needed to get done in an already full and exhausting day.  Happy momma indeed.

Relaxing in the hammock and sunshine

This was the week that Xavi graduated to going for stroller rides in the BOB without his car seat!  He, and both Debbie and I were ecstatic at this momentous occasion.  (He usually expressed his extreme displeasure when put in the car seat to go for walks...eeek!)  Now, when we go for a run, he hums with the bumps and watches the world pass by.  He will still let me know when he needs to be closer to mom and would prefer to be in the Moby or in the carrier (but facing out now!). 

Like tonight for example, I finally had the dogs leashed up, my Uggs slipped on, a poop bag in hand, and Xavi tucked in the stroller with a blanket for a short evening stroll.  He started yelling and kept it up...it was so loud that i couldn't hear the neighbor talking to me as she stood next to me, exclaiming at how mad "she" (Xavi) was.  So, I picked "her" up and carried him for the rest of the walk.  I hooked the dog leashes to the stroller on my giant "mommy clip" and darnit...we finished that walk.  I only had to jerk Diego out of a few bushes as he tried to chase a cat or crow.  Poor Sasha wasn't able to do her business but did get all the way back up the hill without needing me to carry her, too. 

This was also the week that Xavi started napping in his "big boy" crib.  Up til now, he's napped in the bassinet by our bed as that is where he slept at night (well, until he needs to nurse and winds up in bed with us).  It was also the week that he took a ...drum roll please...3 hour nap all by himself, in his own crib.  I was beside myself, on edge just waiting for him to wake up any minute.  He did wake up to nurse twice (or be comforted that mom was standing by somewhere close...) but it sure was a big deal to me!

I realize that often when I post a blog I am a happy momma...but it hasn't been easy and I'm not always happy.  It's just that on the hard days, I usually "choose" not to post anything that day.  I write this paragraph not to be a downer...and don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and I love being everything to this precious boy.  Overall, I am a happier, more centered woman since becoming a mom, but that doesn't mean that there aren't days where it feels like "the wheels are falling off".  It is a strange feeling to have such a huge range of emotions and really not know myself at certain moments in the day.  It is strange to look so forward to having a beer at night (I mean, REALLY look forward to it ;))...my excuse prior to this blog was that beer (particularly Guiness) is a galactogogue...meaning it helps me produce lots of milk (tee hee)!  I've had friends tell me that they have wine every night (at 9pm) since having a baby and in the corner of my non-mommy mind thought that "she could have a problem"...HA!  It's just that no one tells you about some of this stuff before you have a baby and more often than not, people either aren't honest OR they have the amnesia that I think necessarily accompanies most of the hard stuff in child bearing and rearing.  

That being said...3 hour sleep nights aside; forgotten in the sunshine of the day and with the first smile from Xavi...it's been a big week for my big boy.  And I will retire tonight, a happy momma. 

Another great sunset with Catalina Island in the distance